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So many times I have wondered if there is a chance that I am wrong in my thoughts about her...
I wonder about the time that I have spent, and I wonder if there is any chance that I am right...
Then I think about what has been shared and I am lost at the thought of leaving... lost at the thought of walking away... lost at the thought of loving her...
Then I wonder about the times that I am not myself... will she ever understand how hard it is for me... will she ever know that truth... will she ever let herself understand it?
All I can say is that I hope that you fall sometime... fall hard and understand the importance of being loved, and loving... understand that I am only one person who wants to change the world...
I can't do it alone... this we are assured... I tried it for a while... and I didn't make it...
As I move forward, I wonder what the chances are... and I am amazed... I am confidant, I am scared...
This is why I love teaching... One of my student's made this in the class that I am long term subbing for, and it turned out AWESOME! The text of the poem is here, and the picture is how it turned out in the end...
I am from A couch, a tv, a computer, a table, and from 46 chromosomes, and
I am from A chair, a deck, a tree, a bush, a rock, and a car, and
I am from Trash, garbage, cigarette, drugs, the ghetto, and conyack, and
I am from Daddy, mommie, papa, my auntie booty, sister Dannie and meme, my uncle big, norise, and cleo, and
I am from What you do know will effect you later, you reap what you sew, and I will slap the devil out of you, and
I am from Peach cobbler, dressing, chicken, and pinto beans, and
I am from Church, a car, the room, the ledge, goulburn, rosemary, the funeral home, and the burial
It's been way to long since I was able to update this... but let me give you a quick run down of what's happened since I was here last...
I have been working everyday since January 3rd at school... and I have had 2 different classes in that time. The first was a special ed class for language arts which went realy awesome... I had them do a project for me that had a whole ton of special options on it... and it was a really good experience. My second class which I am doing now is a reading class that is not special ed but VERY close, as we basically put the kids in there until they can do what they need to do or get the transfer to the program. I really love it... and I love the kids that I am teaching... I will be posting pictures in the next few weeks of them all and you will see how much fun we really have...
Besides working... I am fighting another battle of Mononucleuis which i have had for about 10 years and been fighting ever since... and its starting to kick my ass... which I am hoping this little vacation will helo with...
which leads me to my mini-vacation... I am visitng my sister in Kentucky for a about a week and so far its been one hell of a trip... I will explain more about that later though as its only the first day...
I will be posting a BUNCH of pictures in the next few days... I have a bunch of pictures of the kids... and DAMN have they grown... I have some scenery and a bunch of other stuff...
Other than that... I think I am done for now... I will update again later... but it will be a few days...
Well, its almost 2007 and I have to say that I am now ready to update the resolutions that I made in 2006. You can see the real post from January 1st, 2006 if you look in the archives... but here is a copy of the list...
Return all the farm equipment I borrowed.
Quit smoking
Lose some weight
Go bck to school
Be treated fairly
become a better man
Go See Wicked twice
Read at least 26 books
Restart my website
get more organized
go see Stephanie's grave
All of the bolded ones are the ones that I actually did... and it was a difficult task. I almost did #8, but I only read about 18 books this yers so I was off a few. As for number one, i did manange to return all of the farm equipment that I borrowed, and everyone was really happy that I did...
I will make this list for this year in the next week or so and post it... hopefully I will get more done this year than last...
If there is ever a time you can't find me don't worry I'm doing alright I'm probably hiding out somewhere counting my blessings mumbling something about sunshine wondering how much love I could live in a lifetime see i've found my reason to live again My Daughter And she has me negotiating with father time trying to convince him to allow me the ability to witness my future history outgrow my legacy and i think it's working see he...lead me...to her my wife and she is my fountain of youth and i've drank her to the point that i've been reborn and i've seen the light see in the beginning there was the word and the word was with God and the word was HER and God took one of her ribs to create me now her one rib less was left with a shape and i left shapeless now 1 + 1 = 1 our union created a bond that could not be broken we consummated our commitment to each other and created our first child now 1 + 1 = 3 and i know the math sounds strange and sometimes i find myself struggling with divinity but why try Mother...Father...Child is the Holy Trinity and she is living proof that there is truth in fertility and we live a love that God would envy and for her... i would carry the cross for my own crucifixion if it would make her have more faith in me and i would hang from that cross and you could pierce my side with a spear and i would bleed more reasons to love her and i could die on that cross and you could bury me in a tomb and i would rise on the 23rd hour just to prove that i could not live a day without her i would go toe to toe with eternity for the rights to her next lifetime cause i was the only one made for her and some may question the love that we share but it only makes me question your faith so i ask you... if God is love.. then why is my God not good enough for her?
I had to share this as well... this one can only done in video as you will see... my camera couldn't take pictures fast enough to keep up...
This is SOOOOOO much wose in person... but at least they tried I guess... although I am not sure that I buy that...
As soon as it finishes uploading... you should be able to see it... i will checkback and see what's going on later...
Until the next time we meet...
- Sun, 17 Dec 2006 07:53:57 GMT
What can I say about the trip? It was pretty good this year... there were lots of lights... lots of people and lots of weird houses to look at.
Although i am still getting the hang of the new camera I bought, I have a few various pics that I will share behind a cut for you all to see... they are.... special to say the least...
So here are some of the more interesting pictures that I got... there will be more later I am sure...
These are some of the worst that we saw... they were much more gross in person I promise you... and there were some that we couldn't even take pictures of they ere so horrible... I am working on getting a video I took uploaded onto youtube so you can all see it as well... I will post some of the cooler houses as soon as I can... I think you will like them as well... they are pretty awesome... espically this one that I took a TON of pictures of...
Ok.. end of cut...
Now... as for everything else that is going on latley... well... I can't even begin to tell you all about it... but its not the best in the world, and I am not having the best of time... however I have found a new motto that I will work with and see how that works for a while... I have included a link to it here... it is in wav format... and its about a minute long... o it won't take that long to get to you or take up that much of your time... I will pos more about it later.. but for now here is the link...
Just a bunch of quotes that seem to sum up how things have been going for me as of late... they are quoted at the bottom if you are interested... And I have added a YouTube video (hopefully) as well that will show you some clips as well... its great... and it made me cry... for those of you who have no idea why this woudl get to me, i will give you the quick story now...
Roseanne... the domestic goddess... was on the air a long time ago (the first time, now its in reruns all over the place...) and it went off the air (the first time in 1997)... my dad died in 1996 of a heart attack. The final episode of this show came on and we find out that her husband died of a heart attack about a year before that had happened... and that would have been around the same time my dad did... so it was just one of those odditites that happened... My dad's birthday would have been sunday which is about the time this episode airs every year for about the past 10 since he has passed almost liek a reminder for my family... (totally ramdom i am sure but still... it sucks...) and Its just been a shitty time for me as of late...
As for now, i have to go... i have to teach tomorrow and I have to learn about rocks so I can educate... GREAT... I LOVE ROCKS...
"Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong.1"
"…I lost Dan last year when he had his heart attack… He’s still the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think before I go to sleep I miss him… Dan and I always felt that it was our responsibility as parents to improve the lives our children by 50% over our own and we did… We didn’t hit our children as we were hit… We didn’t demand their unquestioning silence… And we didn’t teach our daughters to sacrifice more than our sons… As a modern wife I walked a tightrope between tradition and progress and usually I failed… by one outsiders standards or another’s but I figured out that neither winning nor losing count for women like they do for men; we women transform everything we touch and nothing on earth is higher than that…
…in choosing life, I realized that all my dreams of being a writer wouldn’t just come true, I had to do the work…
…but the more I wrote, the more the more I understood myself and why I had made the choices I had made and that was the real jackpot… I learned that dreams don’t work without action… I learned that no one can stop me but me… I learned that love is stronger than hate… and most important I learned that God does exist… He and/or She is right inside you… underneath the pain, the sorrow and the shame…2"
1. American History X 2. Into that Good Night, Roseanne - Final Episode Part II
It started last night at about 9... and its not going to be over until tonight after 11 or so...
Last night my cat got hurt and nobody knows how it happened or what happened for that matter... he was basically skinned on the shoulder... so I had to call the emergency non-vet (my best friend Laura) to come over and help me take care of him... we got that all taken care of and his skin back on his body... then we started feeding him electrolyte solution (Pedolyte) to get his strength back and get him hydrated again (he didn't lose any blood as there really is none between the skin and the flesh of a cat)
I stayed up with him all night and watched him only sleeping about an hour and a half... I just talked to him and tried to make him feel better and fed him the stuff... and at about 4:30 am he stopped letting me give it to him... I couldn't get anymore in no matter how hard I tried... I couldn't get him to open even when I tried to pry his mouth open... that's when I knew that he was going...
So this morning at 7 I got up and went to the bathroom... then I came back and Laura had text messaged me and asked how he was... I proceeded to call her and let her know what I new... then I asked her about a vet to take him to as I knew he wasn't going to make it and I didn't want him to suffer and I was afraid that he was... so we talked about this vet in New Baltimore and I got the info I needed and called... at 7:40 I called and they got me in at 8:45 (they would have gotten me in earlier but I couldn't get there earlier...)
They were awesome there... they treated me SOOOO nice when I got there... they got me into a room immediately and someone was with me just about the whole time... and they took care of Smudge like he was the only cat in the world... and that really made me feel good...
The really long story above has a moral though... but I can't tell you what it is... because I don't know...
or maybe I do...
Cats... the little fluffy things that we all love to hate and hate to love... no matter how little time we have them (Smudge was only about 7 months) can get to you SO much in the time that are with you... and it really makes you realize how important the things you have are...
Funny thing is... its Thanksgiving... that time of year when we are to give thanks for the things that we are thankful for... and I am here being thankful for the little cat who taught me a lesson in love...
So I am at work and pretending to be having fun but STUPID abounds in this place today... and I don't know what exactly is going on...
But I do know that I have to do it again tomorrow at the high school... and wednesday I should get a day off as teachers aren't really allowed to take it off without penalty...
SO... I will have time to do stuff later this week with my little vacation known as Thanksgiving...
When I first heard the next song, I had to listen to it for a few minutes before I "got it"... and I think I only "got it" because of the mood that I was in at the time... so look deeper into it than it would seem and it will make more sense than its prima facie says...
Dreaming with a Broken Heart John Mayer
When you're dreaming with a broken heart the waking up is the hardest part you roll outta bed and down on your knees and for the moment you can hardly breathe wondering was she really here? is she standing in my room? no she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
when you're dreaming with a broken heart the giving up is the hardest part she takes you in with your crying eyes then all at once you have to say goodbye wondering could you stay my love? will you wake up by my side? no she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
oooooooooohhhhhhhhh
now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand? do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand? do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand? baby won't you get them if i did? no you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
when you're dreaming with a broken heart the waking up is the hardest part
There will be a few tonight... this is just the first... and in some ways I guess its more wishful thinking than anything... but whatever... still a good song...
Lips of an Angel Hinder
honey why are you calling me so late it's kinda hard to talk right now honey why are you crying is everything okay i gotta whisper cause i can't be too loud well, my girls in the next room sometimes i wish she was you i guess we never really moved on it's really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet coming from the lips of an angel hearing those words it makes me weak and i never wanna say goodbye but girl you make it hard to be faithful with the lips of an angel
it's funny that you're calling me tonight and yes i've dreamt of you too and does he know you're talking to me will it start a fight no i don't think she has a clue well my girls in the next room sometimes i wish she was you i guess we never really moved on it's really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet coming from the lips of an angel hearing those words it makes me weak and i never wanna say goodbye but girl you make it hard to be faithful with the lips of an angel
it's really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet coming from the lips of an angel hearing those words it makes me weak and i never wanna say goodbye but girl you make it hard to be faithful with the lips of an angel (and i never wanna say goodbye) but girl you make it so hard to be faithful with the lips of an angel honey why are you calling me so late
Wow... what a feeling you can get from a stranger...
Tonight my mom and I had to go to Meijer's and there was this really beautiful girl there with this guy... and she just looked at me like I was something more than a fat kid... and it really brought my spirits up a whole lot... she smiled at me and stopeed for a second to actually look at me... and then went about her shopping... and it was just a really great feeling... and right now, i really need some good feelings...
I haven't been on much I know... and I am not cheating on Livejournal with MySpace either, just had too much going on to do much updating anywhere, and I have quite a few blogs that need some updating... but LJ is first on my list when the time comes for me to be able to do it all...
Well its that time of year again... It's the ANNUAL CHRISTMAS LIGHT LOOKING with Me!
Here are the basics... the details and other stuff can be found at http://www.thewhitebeast.net/lights2006.html
Date: December 16th, 2006 Time: 7:45PM - ?? Where: My House Cost: Dependant upon gas prices, but right now nothing - Beverages are your responsability (see website) Questions: Email me (bjdash007@hotmail.com) or text me (586.601.5063) or call
Well it's been a long week, and its only 5 minutes into Wednesday. but it will get better.
I just wanted to let people know that I am alive.
Also to let you know that if you need me, you can leave me a message here, or email me at bjdash007@hotmail.com. I don't have a phone right now due to some trouble and will hopefully have it back soon.
To the most beautiful girl in the world, I want to say Happy Birthday and I love you. I wish I could give you a hug but the distance does not allow it. know that I would love to do that right now. more than ever.
My mom sent this email to me, and I had to share it with you all...
The scary thing is tha I actually have done most of this... GOD I LOVE MICHIGAN...
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan .
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan .
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan. (I am usually the one that is giving the help, but its happened before...)
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan.
If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan .
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan
Part 2 - You know you're a true MICHIGANIAN when.............
1. "Vacation" means going up north on I- 75. 2. You measure distance in hours. 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. 4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings). 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. 9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent 13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. 14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. 15. Down South to you means Ohio 16. A brat is something you eat. 17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn. 18. You go out to fish fry every Friday. 19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." 22. You drink pop and bake with soda. 23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine. 24. You know what a Yooper is. 25. You think owning a Honda is Un American. 26. You know that UP is a place, not a direction 27. You know it's possible to live in a thumb. 28. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.
Thought's for anyone who wants one hell of a vacation...
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