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Title: | Potion Guild |
| Site URL: | http://potionguild.blogspot.com/ |
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| Description: | This is the official 'blog' of the Grito Potion Guild. It will be used by a forum for discussion of interesting ideas related to Potion Guild business and miscellanious dealings in our world. |
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| Added on: | 26-Feb-2006 |
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- Hello 2009
- Like Jesus, or the phoenix from the flames, or a vampire... I have risen!
Hello world. Heh heh.
You can't keep a good man down.
Twylos, huh? Let's give it the ol' Vrill college try.
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Ha ha.
- 99.9%
- Hello internet, Master Gregory Vrill here again. Just thought I'd give my readers an update in case you were curious as to what's been going on around here.
I guess the big news is that I'm really close to saving the world. I've solved a few really hard puzzles, defeated some tough monsters (including a full-on Iron Golem and an Adult Red Dragon... pretty good, huh?), and I'm just about to the final tomb of R.M. Croatius, i.e. 'Armek' himself! Whew!
But look who's blogging. That's right, and true to form, they think they're about to come in here and spoil everything. Have you read their blog lately? They've teamed up with the Knights of Armek! Rubbish, dear readers. Complete rubbish.
Heh heh... old Vrill has a few tricks up his sleeves though. You don't get to be beyond 5th Circle without knowing a thing or two.
Sounds like they've got a few extra guys too. As I mentioned in one of my comments, 'the short bus is getting pretty full'. Ha. In fact, I can't keep track of their names anymore (and soon it won't matter), I think that's what I'll call them: The Short Bus.
Anyway, thanks for reading everyone. If I post again, it means I won and saved the world. If not, well, I guess it won't matter then, will it? Gotta get past a Symbol of Pain, see you on the other side...
TTYL,
GV, MPG
- Ultimate post? Or penultimate?
- Well, that was a tough adventure. Castle Greyhelm is pretty strange. Fortuately I won't have to bother with any of the upstairs crowd, as although the main mirror is there, I've figured out how to use the temporary one in the cellar. And it's a one-shot, so those Dungeons and Dragons playing dorks on DnD won't be able to come on through, heh heh. They can take the 'high road', good luck morons.
Speaking of, "Lord Ocho"?! That's retarded. What, was Lord Uno out for the day? Couldn't get Lords Dos y Tres to step on up? No, sorry, that's right, I have to fight the tough monsters while DnD just fights the C-list extras. What's next, an otuygh? A protein polymorph? A bullywug in a neck brace? Sigh.
Anyway faithful readers, this will be my last post before the final battle! If I never post again, well, you'll know what will have happened. Hopefully soon I can update this web blog and inform you of my triumphant success.
- Brave adventures!
- Hello again, world-wide-friends. Vrill here to provide a belated update as to the status of my new adventures.
But first off, what the deuce is going on over at Descent Into Depths? (Check the link at the right 'A sad little story...' to pay a visit. Be warned, though, the site is an EYESORE. The background is pink for the love of all that's holy. Pink! Not exactly the most heroic color. Then again, what goes on over there is a far cry from 'heroic'. I hope to remedy that situation in my own travels and conquests though. I suppose it helps, being a high level magic-user with access to lots of resources, spells, potions, ad infinitum, as opposed to living on a farm run by a kobold slave (my ex-assistant, by odd circumstance) and a hippie DRUG ABUSER.
Kids, JUST SAY NO.
HELL NO.)
Anyway, there are a couple of new guys who've signed up to play their farcical game! Unbelieveable! Listen, newbs, if you're reading this: you really don't know what you're in for. Quit now while you still have a soul. Actually I mean that 100% LITERALLY. Didn't you read the posts? You're hanging out with a bunch of SOULLESS DEMON WORSHIPPERS. Isn't that exactly the sort of thing that the mothers of the world were concerned about with this whole 'Dungeons and Dragons' game in the first place? Now it's come true. Think of your families. Think of your children. The measely xp you're going to earn slaughtering innocents, it's not worth it.
This will end in jail time, sirs. It's happened before. Your new 'friends'? It's true, I have the papers, they've spent time in JAIL for crime and murder.
Well, I've said my peace. But I have more important things to worry about then... wait a minute, they're rebuilding the temple to Zelba? With that awful illusionist? Fantastic. Just what we need, another crappy dungeon. Good going.
Anyway, I've been having some exciting, high-level adventures of my own. Many of my comrades didn't make it, succumbing to traps or powerful adversaries, but by my own cunning, efficient utilization of resources, and dare I say, some good rolling, I've succeeded at infiltrating the ruined city of Greyhelm! Knights of Armek plague the streets, but I've managed to make it to Castle Greyhelm itself. My suspicions have proved to be true... there are people trapped inside! A magical barrier blocks the entrance, and so I now labor to get it down so that I might venture inside, free the good, LAW-ABIDING citizens, and destroy the Knights. At last. Of course it would come down to this... it always does. My most ingenious plans and contraptions of no use, finally... it comes down to rolling dice in a massive, epic, big-boss end fight.
Bring it on, I say.
Bring it on.
- I just can't believe it
- They killed Apprentice Steve.
.
(That's a moment of silence, in the Internet.)
I really just can't understand. And Marivhon, too, isn't he supposed to be a monk or something? I.e., LAWFUL? As in, obeying LAWS? Just completely, absolutely unbelieveable. It's not like he was a big threat, or screwed them over or something.
You know what it is? I do. It's impotence. That's right. They were down in Hello for so long that Marivhon felt impotent. Unable to go on adventures, kill kobolds and owlbears, screw up important plans, that kind of thing. So he gets back, and takes his impotent rage out on the only guy he can. A Potion Guild Apprentice.
Well, sorry Steve, wherever you are. Hope you're not down in Hello. At least Marivhon made it mercifully short. I remember when they killed me. Took forever, because frickin' Cinder of all people had to make the call about something. So right, don't feel so bad. I mean, we've all been dead now, it's all good.
Sigh. As a mentor, though, I can't help but feel a little disappointed.
Anyway, readers, things are, shall we say, very interesting, down in Greyhelm. What a tough nut to crack! There are lots of Knights here, so we're being very careful. Now I know, though, that Marivhon and pals will stop at NOTHING to kill me, so I have to be doubly careful. Heh heh, don't worry my friends in cyberspace, this ol' magic user still has a couple tricks up his sleeve!
'Til next time, I remain...
GV, MPG
- A triumphant return
- Hi there everyone, Vrill here after a long hiatus. Well, for those of you who've been following my adventures for the last year or so, you know I've been dead for a while now. But now I'm back! It's nice to be back in Grito, even though the city is mostly destroyed.
But where others see danger, I see opportunity. Besides, I warned everyone a long time ago about the Knights of Armek, and did anyone listen to me? Did they? No they did not. So blame can't be cast entirely on one side, to speak fairly.
So, a new adventure awaits! Someone has to save the day, and that person, as usual, happens to be yours truly. I'm going to get together a party and go fight the good fight. Huzzah!
So I can't dawdle long here. At least I've got a fast connection again, and I don't have to wait in eternal lines to use a crappy computer that someone wiped a booger on. Speaking of, you might be wondering how I got out of here? Well, heh heh, that's a secret I can't tell you. Let's just say that the Abby situation is all taken care of. As for BCDMMR... I guess they're just stuck down there. Interesting how fate works like that. Can't say they didn't deserve it, d'accord? I think you know what I'm talking about, dear readers.
Anyway, gotta run and go save the day. I'll sign on again when there's news and/or exploits to share.
God it's nice to smell the smells and see the sun again. Vrill off, God bless.
- OUTRAGEOUSLY UNBELIEVEABLE!
- Hi dear readers. Vrill here, just checking up on the news, as it's been a little while. I've had business to take care of down here in 'Hello'. God this place sucks.
Wait a second. What the hell is going on over there in Descent into Retardation? Those guys CAN'T be HERE. That is so UNFAIR. Hang on a sec.
- Even more unbelieveable!
- Hi everyone, well guess what? I log onto the Internet here, and what do I see? Go check out www.blogspot.descentintodepths.com for some interesting news! Yes, the PCs are finally getting theirs! Hoo hah! I laughed so hard... a death knight?! At first I thought to myself, oh brother, here we go again, the GM is going to go soft on them and cop out at the last minute. "It's all a dream," or some b---s--- like that. But Brogg just got PWK'd! I'll say it again: unbelieveable! I laughed so hard I almost spilled my half-decaf-nonfat-caramel-frappachiatto!
Ha ha ha!! Or as they say here in the Internet, 'LOL'!
Readers, I'm betting that Lord Skull or whoever reanimates them into a small zombie army and attacks the new Potion Guild.
Oh, and mazel tov.
- Unbelieveable
- Hello there everyone, Vrill here again. Yup, still in the afterlife. Maybe I should get around to changing the name of this 'web blog', but I don't want to confuse those of you (especially if you're just incidental readers) who have this web site 'bookmarked'... imagine selecting your Potion Guild bookmark from your 'Favorites' menu, only to go to a blog called, e.g., Hello Airport. That would just be a bit disorienting. So Potion Guild it shall remain, despite the recent upheavals, shall we say, up in the heavens.
I'm referring, of course, to that notorious website of disinformation, Descent into Depths, or DiD as they themselves call it. I've used the Insert Link feature here so you can go directly there after you finish reading my post, or alternatively feel free to use the link on the sidebar. That's what it's there for. Anyway, kudos, I suppose, to Apprentice Steve. He beat the PCs at their own game! I guess when the Black Knight cackles and says 'Not too much more and then the sceptre is mine', maybe it's not exactly the right time for a nap. Well, Steve APG wasn't sleeping, and apparently he defeated all the undead and saved the temple, and possibly Grito as well. Well done, my apprentice. This is probably how Mozart's father felt after listening to his son's first public recital. Or for those of you under the age of 30, I feel sort of like Obi-Wan Kenobi felt when Luke blew up the Death Star. That's probably a good analogy, because, like old Ben Kenobi, I too am dead, but my voice lives on here in the 'blogosphere'. I almost wrote the word 'cyberspace', but no one talks about cyberspace anymore, do they? Interesting.
Of course, I'm not sure exactly how Steve did it, given that he's only like 3rd level, but then again I have no idea how BCDMM killed me when I was much higher level, better prepared, with actual strategies and defenses. Oh no, wait. I'm sorry, readers. I do know how they killed me. Their DM sucks and they cheated. Riiiight. Well, maybe the DM finally came to his senses and decided to do something- however small and tangential- to repair his earlier crappy judgement.
Long time readers- or those of you who have been with me since my arrival in "Hello Airport"- know that iTunes posts celebrity playlists so you can hear what famous people claim to listen to. This week they've got Kiefer Sutherland's playlist. "One" by U2 is the second song on the list, surprise surprise. Someone owes me five bucks, as I totally called that one. Kiefer just looks like he would love to 'rap' with Bono backstage, you know, about famine and stuff that celebrities can fix like that. There's an XTC song on there too, "Dear God", which is a bit better, but is that the best you can do for XTC, Kiefer? It's sort of a cliche. I mean, if you don't believe in god, how can you explain the fact that I'm 'blogging' from the underworld? There's some other interesting celebrity picks there. 'Blondie', nee Deborah Harry, has an Eminem track, that song about his alter-ego Rabbit. A rapper with a rapper alter-ego. I bet BCDMM love that song.
Anyway, the DiD adventures didn't really go the way I expected, but I guess that's par for their bloody little course, non? Well, my iPod has finished downloading this week's new tracks and my 30 minutes is almost up. Again, my readers, gentlemen of the jury, email me with news or comments at mastervrill713@yahoo.com, or leave comments here in my web blog.
'Til next time, Master V.
- Hello Airport
- Hi dear readers. Vrill here. Back again in the coffee shop 'logging on'.
I just spent forty minutes in line, behind a guy setting his 'ringtones' on his cellphone. I'm not sure I can convey to you out in the blogosphere just how absolutely annoying it is to have someone listening to their potential ringtone choices in public. It's like, it's your goddamn cell phone. Just pick something simple and call it a day. You don't have to listen to all the novelty ringtones like Snoop Dogg just to make sure. And then listen to some again, and again, just in case you missed a good one. Fucker. I AM in hell.
Not quite. Actually, readers, I finally learned just where I am. I found a sign by a door that said 'Welcome to Hello Airport'. I shit you not. I am not in hell. I am in 'Hello Airport'. Is that, you know, like a joke or something? Am I in Japan? Hello Airport. That is so lame. I wish that the DM would get back over here and get something going.
The good news is that I found a small library down here. Unbeliveable! After the Chili's, the 'Coffee Chateau', and ringtone bitch, I'd given up hope of any intellectual stimulation whatsoever. Now, it's not great, but appparently some mechanic compiled a collection of workbooks, bad sci-fi, and some other stuff. So I've got stuff to read at least. Including some old 'Dragon' and 'White Dwarf' magazines. Remember White Dwarf anyone? It's good stuff. There was this example module called 'The Lair of Maldred the Mighty' that had a couple good ideas. Ah, the golden age of dungeons and dragons. Not like all this newb crap you can read about on www.descentintodepths.imafuckingmoron.com.
So I've been reading about different kinds of dungeon masters and things like that. One of the magazines had a little survey 'What kind of DM do you have?' I don't have to tell you what kind of SOB DM I had. I'm in the goddamn Hello Airport after all.
Today is Paris Hilton's birthday. I'm ashamed that I even know that. I'm going to go read about how miniatures used to be. If you want to join me in some tears... I hear you.
Vrill signing off.
- Hello again
- Hi everyone, it's me again, Master Gregory Vrill, signing in from the afterlife. It's not really as spooky as it sounds.
I... well, you know what? I don't really have anything to report about. There's nothing going on down here, and I basically don't care about what's going on, 'upstairs' as they say, so why would I deign to wait in line here at the coffee shop to use the goddamn Internet? I really could care less. Then again, there's nothing else to do. I'm not going to post much so that I can play some Spider Solitaire until my half-hour is up and the grandma behind me can post more lame cat photos to her homepage.
So I bought an iPod down here and now I'm using "iTunes" to fill it up with some .mp3 files. Did you know that different celebrities have lists of their favorite music on the iTunes page? Right now I'm checking out what Sharon Stone likes to listen to. Easy listening stuff, mainly, I guess, plus a bit of rap music. I'd guess that's what like 80% of celebrities listen to, a lite rock and rap music melange because they just don't know any better. Thanks Sharon Stone for compiling these tracks for us.
Time to go play some solitaire.
- The afterlife: an update
- Hi everyone, Vrill here again. Finally. I'm again using the modem at Le Coffee Chateau to check email and such. Did everyone have a good New Year's? I didn't. Because, you know, I'm FUCKING DEAD. This place stinks.
God is it boring down here. You know, I had a lot of stuff going on. Can't even so much make a Potion of Friends here, wherever the hell I am. Like I posted earlier, readers, I'm not in hell, but I'm not really sure what this is. Purgatory maybe? If I had to guess, I'd say I was in the Concordant Opposition. You know, the plane of True Neutral. Which sort of makes sense. I mean, I was acting in Grito's best interest, so I might have guessed the Lawful Good Seven Heavens, but sometimes the means to a noble end are less than Lawful and some may say not 100% Good.
It wouldn't be so bad though if there was anyone else down here who was interesting AT ALL. I try to talk about the situation in Grito, or discuss design principles of owlbears with the guy next to me, and he just sort of looks at me and walks over to the broken vending machine by the men's room. How rude. At least there are no PCs down here. Then, readers, I would know for a fact that I was in Hell.
I've watched a lot of CNN Money on the big TV in Chili's. It seems an odd choice for television in the afterlife. Did you know that closed captioning isn't perfect? It's almost like they have a guy there, typing in all the words in real time. There are a lot of misspellings and homonyms if you watch carefully. Like Deborah Marchini will be talking about foreign markets and you'll see "For rain markets" come up. But then they erase it and it says "Foreign markets" like the guy realized 'for' was only the first part of the word and not the word itself.
Okay, my time's almost up. That's alright, I'm going to go back over to Chili's and get some southwest eggrolls and chicken crispers. But you know what really sucks? Chili's- well, this whole place really- is dry. That's right, no Coronas for this Potion Guild Grandmaster. Can't even get a fricking bottle of Miller let alone a fine Greyhelm zin.
Maybe I am in Hell.
- BULLSHIT
- That is complete bullshit. I quit. Can't an NPC quit? PCs quit games all the time in the middle. They killed me.
BCDM KILLED ME. THAT IS COMPLETE CRAP.
I'M FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF THE SMARMY LITTLE DESCENTINTODEPTHS BS. THEY HAVE THE UTTER WORST DM. I'd like to make a citizen's arrest of their DM for being completely retarded. No, I'm sorry, strike that from the record, that gives retarded people a bad name. BCDMM, actually why don't you get yourselves a DM with Down syndrome? He'd be much much better than the ignorant, rules-fudging, cheesy-ass dork you currently have. God. GOD.
So this is great. Now what? Well I'm dead, readers, so don't expect me to post a lot. No no, I'm not in hell. Please, I was a good man, a FAMILY man, a PRODUCTIVE man. I was trying to save the world for crying out loud! And speaking of crying, I just want to make it clear that I didn't cry. The DM said I cried but I didn't. He's just a big liar. I said all that other stuff though. Oh, and Marivhon? Sorry to break your fragile heart, but I'm not really your dad. Like I'd have you as a son. I just said that to buy some time while Cinder touched himself and asked a zombie for advice. God, if you were my son I'd just abort. You know, just try again. ABORT MISSION. Yes I mean that dear readers. I'm not a vocal advocate of abortion as you may know, but I would definitely take exception if Marivhon would be the outcome. And whoever Marivhon's real father is, I'm sorry, you must be so ashamed of your retarded baby.
Well, readers, the afterlife is sort of like a giant airport. There are a lot of people just sort of wandering around down here. Did the God of Death just quit or something? It seems awfully disorganized. I'm here at a coffee shop using their computer. I bet you thought I was going to say 'I was at a Starbucks' and make a joke that those Starbucks shops are everywhere these days. But nope, it's not a Starbucks, it's called 'Coffee Chateau'. (I never heard of it either.)
But it seems that this is the only computer with internet access around, so there were about thirty other dead people waiting in line. And it's just slow, I'm actually using a modem with 2400 bps. 2400 bps. I died and went to 1987.
Well, I was murdered. That's that. It was unfair and the DM and the PCs are cheaters, but there's no point in whining about it because THEY SUCK anyway. So, sorry everyone, but you'll just have to find someone else to take care of the Knights of Armek. At least the Church of Grisbane is making owlbears, but you know what? I really don't care. I'M DEAD. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE LIVING ANYMORE.
It looks like my 30 minutes is almost up, so I need to sign off. I'll try to post if anything interesting happens, or at least let you know what the rest of the underworld is like, my friends in the 'blogosphere'.
GV.
- This is so LAME
- Well dear readers, thought I'd take a minute to post here and tell you what's going on. In case you didn't catch all that over at nerd central, aka "descent into depths", I'm facing off against BCDM. They totally suck though and fucked it up. Actually, I thought I was a goner, but now it's looking a bit better for the home team, fingers crossed, knock on wood, etc. Leave it to them to fuck up a sure thing, am I correct? As that insipid hippie Gregolas would say, "I know you feeling me".
Please don't 'feel me'.
Anyway, Cinder apparently got grounded by his dad and can't go to the internet gaming cafe to log on and tell us what he's doing. I think he's fixing a window or something and can't really come to the phone right now. Whenever I feel rather proud of myself, I think about how this collection of complete dorks has foiled most (but not all) of my plans. Then again, when I'm feeling down, at least I know I'm better than them, so it helps. I guess it all equalizes in the end. I mean, did you guys read that where they went to that eyesore that is the 'Tower of Illusion' (ugh) and disguised themselves as bugbears? That was lame, but that's not my point. Did you catch that 'riddle' that they had to answer at the door. What a joke! Any high-performer special needs first-grader could answer that riddle. I'm surprised Stanislaus didn't just go for a knock-knock joke and get it over with. 'The moon'??!! I think that's the worst riddle I've ever heard. And I'm sure BCDM were so proud of themselves, able to answer that.
You know guys, I'm the Burghermeister of Grito. I'm a senior partner with the Church of Grisbane. I have SHIT TO DO. Can we please just wrap this up? I've got a stack of things in my inbox that require some attention. Thanks in advance.
Burghermeister G. Vrill
- A desperate fight
- Well, gentle readers, so much has happened lately. Where do I begin? I'm sorry for the dearth of posts over the past year; it's just that with the PCs out of my life, and so much more going on, I really had no time to navigate my browser over to potionguild.blogspot.com. I'm sure you understand.
I'll take a moment here just to rest after an exhausting day testing the owlbear generator. Yes, it's true! I'm back in the 'Owlbear Game' as we say. But truth be told, it's not so much a fun experimental enterprise as it was back in the day. It's now a desperate fight for survival. Our survival. Survival for them and for us.
The Knights of Armek arrived. Several months ago, out of nowhere. Just like she predicted, just like I dreaded would happen, just like no one listened to be about. But there's no time for bitter smarminess now. The Knights arrived, and they destroyed Greyhelm. The survivors fled north- some to Fflar, some to Durth, and some to our little village of Grito. Oh yes, dear friends, I forgot to mention that I'm now the Burgher of Grito. (Technically, you might call me Burghermeister, but I prefer 'Burgher' when I'm around my people.)
The Royal Greyhelm family made it to their summer vacation home off the coast. My understanding is that Greyhelm Castle has been levelled, and not in the fun, roll-a-new-hit-die sense of the word. In a horrible, awful sense.
In any case, we're doing what we can, as it's unclear whether we can expect help from Durth.
Oops, sorry readers, need to attend to some urgent business... owlbear business!
TTYL, GV.
- I TOLD YOU SO
- Oh no. Oh my. I- I am speechless, dear readers. The unbelieveable, the impossible has happened. No, no, no. It is unbelieveable. I can only take condolence in four simple short words.
(More to say later.)
- A fish story
- Well my friends, that was a nice vacation! Vrill here, 'blogging' from the porch of my suite in a fabulous Fflar hotel. I've got a great view of the sea here, and I'm sipping a fantastic chardonnay. Delicious.
Master P and I have been going fishing for the past week or so. At first I wasn't catching much, but then I caught a nice big salmon! It was a bit past the legal limit, but Master P knows some people who knows some people, if you know what I mean, and we sumptuously feasted on our catches later that night. Some salmon, a light garlic butter sauce, maybe some prawns as an appetizer, plus what was probably the best souffle I've ever had. Magnusson's is a fantastic restaurant, I must say. Four out of four stars, as the Druid Smallwood would say.
It took me a little while to get my 'sea legs', and I suffered from a bout of seasickness until I learned an 'old salt's trick'. White wine and crackers, all day long! I recommend you try it, dear readers, if you ever find yourself doing the 'landlubber lambada'.
This is the life. No PCs, no Knights of Armek, no collies. I wish my wife were here though.
What's next for old GV, you might be wondering? Well, Master P and I had a long chat about what the future might hold, especially with the strange tidings in Durth these days. I'm going to pay an old friend a visit, is what I'm going to do. I think things may be looking very nice! I won't say any more right now except to say that 'Burghermeister Vrill' has a nice ring to it.
With that, I leave you my friends,
GV.
- Playing The Stock Market
- So I've discovered this new thing called blogshares.com; you should check it out if you have a moment or two. It doesn't necessarily have the most intuitive interface, but anyone with at least passing intelligence can figure it out.
I'm sort of angry at them though; I've logged our good website here, "The Potion Guild", and have yet to receive my free 1000 shares. It seems that Mike the zombie, who somehow managed to escape my cunning and oh-so-interesting trap, has more shares than I do presently! Perhaps I shall take a cue from ABCDMM and go kill him and take his shares. That is how it is done, yes?
I wrote a terse email to the webmaster of blogshares.com, and as of yet have received no reply. So my instructions above, dear reader, to 'check out' this website are tempered with the following caveat: beware of zombies who have nothing better than to sit around all day on their computers hoping some blog will soon become available for them to mark as their own before the good owner is able to figure out how to do it.
I leave tomorrow for Port Fflar! A good friend of mine has a boat; we're going to do some fishing, catch some rays; I predict that there is a mojito in my future! And perhaps a new job opportunity...
Cheers,
GV
- FINALLY
- A HA HA HA HA!
YES!
You might be wondering, blogosphere, why I am rejoicing today. Well, if you'll kindly point your browser towards the criminal confessions website ABCDMM and 'friends', you'll glean the answer to this riddle.
No no, I'll wait, you just go ahead. It's linked on the sidebar, go take a look.
(Waits.)
Back again? Well then, dear readers, I myself have a confession to make. That 'Vrill' you saw? That wasn't really me! Heh heh! Yes, it's true. As much as I hate illusions, I have to admit that sometimes they are useful. And of course, ABCDMM wouldn't expect me to use such a devious strategy! They just charged right in, stupid as could be, into my cunning trap. Of course, I knew that they were going there, and was able to alert Apprentice Steve to their impending arrival minutes before they got to the warehouse. How did I know this? Well, dear friends, I'll leave that as an exercise to the reader. I can't give away all my cunning secrets just yet!
You see, some time ago I received an exclusive catalog in the mail, with a special offer for Masters of the Potion Guild: a mirror gate! I instantly realized what potential such a device had as a trap. While others might suggest that mirror gates are best used for personal transportation, demon summoning and the like, I've learned from the mistakes of past wizard NPCs. All those plans go to hell, if you'll excuse the pun. I reasoned that, given that ABCDMM were PCs, they'd be very hard to kill. Case in point: they went up against the Grand Master of Flowers and none of them died, ergo, their DM sucks. So how could I get rid of them, without killing them? Bingo, gate them away. They're now... well, let's just say it's a special place, and I don't have to worry about them for a very, very long time.
It feels nice, you know? All this time I've been worried about being butchered in my sleep or such. Now, I think it's time for good ol' Gregory Vrill to take a nice long vacation. Maybe head up to the Port and do some fishing. That sounds nice! Ha ha, dear readers, perhaps next time I post to my web blog I'll regale you with a whimsical 'fish story'! Goodbye, for now.
- Meet your doom
- First off, a congratulations to Mr. R. Greetles on becoming the 41st Mayor of Grito. Let's hope you're somewhat more competent than your predecessor, and much less dependent on adventurers.
Well well. It looks like I'm going to have company. Really, as I posted previously here in my 'blog', I'm not at all worried. Well, maybe a little worried about the damage that might occur to my new drapes and sofa. The PCs and their retarded friends have made their way to Greyhelm, presumably to seek me out.
This is sort of like one of those chess puzzlers you might see at the bottom of the comics page in your daily newspaper, where it looks like black has the advantage, but the instructions say: "White to mate in four. Hint: White is a POWERFUL FIREBALL-CASTING WIZARD." Something like that.
How many hp does Marivhon have? Even assuming he'll make his save, it's likely a fireball will kill him. What good friends, to lead someone to certain doom. Marivhon, if you're reading this, it's not too late to turn back. Then again, he does have a Wisdom of 5, so perhaps his lot in life is just to go knocking on death's many doors until finally, mercifully, one of them lets him in for a nice cuppa.
Let's do it. I'm sure Greetles will make a nice memorial space for you between the petunias and the tomatos.
- Illusionists are gay
- So did you hear the news? ABCDMM just MURDERED THE MAYOR OF GRITO.
In case you missed that:
ABCDMM JUST MURDERED MAYOR BRODERICK THE MAYOR OF GRITO.
And now they're having an election for the new mayor. If I didn't 1) hate Grito and 2) think that this whole election thing is bogus and 3) was sure to be assaulted by ABCDMM, I'd consider running for mayor. I know Grito, I've got credentials, I can do the job.
Sigh. In all honesty though, I have to admit the choice of Ronald Greetles is a good one. For those of you who don't know, Mr. Greetles was my personal assistant for several years. Let's make that clear, he wasn't a Guildmember, not the Assistant Guildmaster, but the Assistant to the Guildmaster. Kinda like that Mike Brown guy, except actually pretty darn good at his job. I could always count on Mr. Greetles to get the job done, done well, and done on time. So I'll be voting for Mr. R. Greetles come election day. By absentee ballot of course.
Also a consideration here is who the other candidates are. Yes, a kobold assistant may not be the best guy to run Grito, a town with more than its share of trouble. Fortunately, it's unlikely ABCDMM will murder Greetles even after he becomes mayor. Unfortunately, this might mean Greetles will be a puppet governor under ABCDMM, but that's probably giving those PC fuckers much more credit than they deserve. Anyway, the blacksmith and the nephew guy aren't horrible choices, but also have negligible experience suitable for the job.
But who the hell is this Stanislaus guy?! An illusionist? Building a "Tower of Illusion"? That is the most retarded thing I've heard since I was fooled into thinking Master Meifer was a real Guildsman. Illusionists are completely lame. They're just horrible, third-chair mages. You get two saves vs their spells, one against the spell like normal, and another bonus save against the LAME ILLUSION MAGIC. Can I disbelieve in this guy altogether and just be done with it?
One more piece of evidence that the GM here is creatively bankrupt. "Tower of Illusion." That is so sad. A bet there's going to be a mimic and a lurker above. Plus, oh I don't know, maybe some GAY ILLUSIONS? "It's an illusionary carpet, over a 10' pit! I am the ROXXOR!"
So look, guys, if you're reading this. I know we've had our disagreements. I utterly and completely hate you, for well-defined reasons. You hate me too, I'm okay with that, because you guys are evil murdering lowlife scum. But if you happen to murder this illusionist guy? That's okay by me. Just consider it, doing him in, as a matter of principle. The principle being: ILLUSIONISTS SUCK. It'll be like you're doing him a favor, you can Animate Dead him and your zombie thief guy can have a pal.
Peace.
- Monks 1, PCs 0. I'll drink to that!
- Okay, so I figured it out. There's a little trash can next to comments and you can use that to delete 'flames' or 'spam' or posts from 'trolls'. Cinder, you'll note that your last comment on the previous post was deleted. This was intentional. Now, I'm pretty busy, so I don't have all day to sit around policing The Potion Guild blog and deleting everything. If you'd like to leave a constructive comment or item that's newsworthy, well, even though I hate you, you have that option. As moderator of this message board I can rise above my personal differences. But if you're adding nothing more than 'VRILL IS THE SUXOR LOL', please, don't bother. Who benefits from your childishness and immaturity? Certainly not me, nor my readers. When I read on someone else's blog such inflammatory remarks, it makes me think less of the poster, not the victim. Think on that if you will. Although as is now obvious, you only have IQ:8 and WI:9, so the likelihood that you'll think very hard is depressingly small.
I'd like to take this opportunity to say: ha ha, you guys are such LOSERS. The Grand Master Monk completely faced you. How's it feel to LOSE, losers? Probably not very good I bet. And I'll say that you guys totally fucked up that combat. Whoever your idiotic DM is, he's either not trying very hard or being totally easy on you. And what was he thinking putting you up against a guy whose level is higher than all your combined levels? Is your DM 8 years old perchance? That was a completely moronic adventure from beginning to end. Again, I TAKE PITY on you for such a sucky dungeon. But I did get a good laugh from reading the annals of your dorky dungeons and dragons blog. More than that, though, I now have figured out your strategy. Each of you has obvious behavioral patterns that I shall take into account the next time we do battle; a mage of my level and calibre should have no problem readily dispatching most of your standard tactics. In fact, I've acquired some dice and run a couple simulations, and I estimate that in three rounds I can destroy your entire party. So let's just say I'm no longer worried about future skirmishes.
Although I do see that you received the restraining order. A necessary legal precaution. I would prefer to just have being a PC made illegal, so you could be immediately arrested and hanged or something, but 'no harm no foul' as they say, although I seriously beg to differ on the 'no harm' part of that phrase. Apparently though you can't just make a law that says PCs are illegal. Believe me, it's been looked into.
Sorry to bore you, blogosphere, with the horrible details of my conflict with a few certain individuals. In other news, I'm thinking about getting other aspects of my life back in order. A certain friend of mine in the legal business who will remain nameless is interested in a certain breed of dog that I, coincidentally enough, have much experience in! I've also begun to put feelers out to see if there might be a new position for me in a certain organization, and, I don't want to say too much now, but things seem hopeful.
Optimistically yours,
GV.
- A question for the 'blogosphere'
- Okay, so does anyone out there know how to delete posts and block some users from posting on your blog? The blogger FAQ isn't loading up for me for some reason. I'm starting to get a lot of spam posting on this site, and it's annoying. What if someone interesting has something interesting to say? It'd be lost among all the crap posts my blog has been getting lately.
I suppose you all deserve to hear one of my replies to some unfriendly remarks made in the comments section. Yes, it's true, the healing process has begun. I'm coming to terms with the murder of my wife and child. Not great terms, mind you, and the perpetrators will pay in the end. They always do, right? That's the lesson of every great story (and even some not so great stories!). Anyone see 'Unforgiven'? I feel kind of like that.
Just in case you're reading this, Brogg, Cinder, and Dave. And now this Marivhon monk guy too. I am issuing a restraining order on you. I have sought legal council, and the process is already in motion. If you come within one mile of me, you will be violating the order. It's not done yet, but I'm sure by the time you're done killing all those lawful good monks it'll be ready. If the monks don't kill you first that is. So you'll be getting some official mail soon. FYI.
Vrill over and out.
- Update a-go-go
- Well, it's sure been a while since I 'blogged'. That's what laying low gets you- I wasn't even able to check my email for a couple weeks. I come back, and of course my mailbox is full of 'spam'. I hate that. Nigerian bank account scams? I have an 18 IQ, thanks. Nigeria isn't even on my world. And did you see that my 'blog' was 'spammed' also? Something about lumbering, or penny stocks? Not to mention, of course, the 'spam' I received from psychopathic adventureres trying to get a rise of out me. But oh no, not the new Gregory Vrill.
I keep my cool.
So my 'secret weapon' arrived in the mail yesterday. I'm pretty pleased, I suppose, although I still have yet to figure out how to work this thing. I'd love to tell you all all about it- and yes, I used two 'alls' there on purpose, the sentence makes sense if you'll read it again. However, given that ABCDMM are probably reading this for clues as to my whereabouts, you can forget it. All I will say is: bring it on, ABCDMM. Bring. It. On.
Apprentice Steve is making progress too, on his hyperlinked spellbook. I'm amazed, really, that it even worked at all. Steve, of course, hit upon the secret purely by accident, but I've seen the results with my own eyes. There are still a few rough edges to be worked out... I'm not sure how an Unseen Servant who can cast Erase is all that practical, but that's science for you. Sometimes you just don't know what use something might have.
Anyone see "The Island"? It was pretty good, but I'm getting sick of movies where the villain is a scientific genius. How about a movie where a struggling, genius scientist or wizard is the hero, and the guys who destroy the world the scientists create are the bad guys? You know, like in REAL LIFE?
Anyway, Vrill out, going to play with my new 'acquisition'. Could come in handy with the whole Knights of Armek thing, which of course, is still going to happen and destroy the world.
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